While on the plane back home from yet another E3, I had some flashbacks of the weird things I spotted in the crowd. It’s amazing the things people wear at these events! And I’m not talking about the short and flip-flops, I’ve gotten used to the non-professional look… While last year I found some oddities like plaid flannel shirts (in June?!) and someone wearing a teddy bear on his shaved head, this year I managed to spot some jaw-dropping or snort-inducing sights among the crowds. And what better way to make them memorable than to write about them? Besides, these topics were just asking for a rant.
Without further ado, here are the top “OMG, WTF?” moments of this year.
1. Hot pink bandanas with neon yellow blind-style sunglasses. I don’t care what your reasoning behind it is: these don’t match, and are bound to make someone’s eyes bleed! Especially when they’re worn on guys that look like bikers. Yeah, I’m talking about you, heavily bearded dude at Ubisoft’s media briefing. Even in the darkness of the theatre, those colors were really hard to miss. And with the lights on, I was the one needing sunglasses!
2. Plaid berets. Guys, it’s stupidly hot outside and you’re wearing what seems like plaid flannel berets… What kind of fashion statement are we making here? Are we Scottish? Maybe you should just leave those for the golf course. Or the Sherlock Holmes fan club…
3. Greasy hair. Good lord, people, use and abuse your shampoo! Even the hotels give you free samples! I’d be ashamed to walk around with my hair looking like it’s been dunked in a bucket of oil. And this particularly drunk chick at the Activision event – who by the way, was old enough to NOT act like a 15 year old – had especially yucky hair and insisted on blocking our view with what she probably thought were some really awesome dance moves… If only she was hot… But she was not. And neither were the dance moves.
4. Hairy legs. Ladies… if you’re wearing shorts, shave your freaking legs! Just because Mo’nique did it at the Golden Globes, doesn’t mean you have to follow on her footsteps! Because… holy crap, what the hell was that in front of me on the badge pick-up line? A balding gorilla? Ok, ok, a very fat balding gorilla in jean shorts, which kept crawling up between her thighs too. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at that sight, but the image is going to haunt me in my dreams.
5. Crazy hair dye. What was it with the eye-popping hot pink and red shades of hair this year? Way to stand out from the crowd. And no, I’m not talking about the booth babes, these were actually just some random guys. I guess if you get lost from your friends, they just need to find your strategically colored head among the masses… Hey, how about if we use these blinding hair dye shades on those insane amounts of leg hair? Now there’s a crazy idea!
Last but not least, a shout-out to everyone who seems to be unaware of the existence of this amazing product: USE DEODORANT! It’s hot, crowded, we’re running around from meeting spot to meeting spot (ok, at least I was) and we’re all excited for seeing new games, so yeah, we sweat. But we don’t have to stink and leave a scent trail wherever we go! Some people in the LACC made me wish I was carrying some Axe Bullet deodorants and respective Axe Gun to start aiming at their armpits. Ew… Yes, there were occasions where I actually turned my nose or held my breath! I think that maybe after a security check, everyone should go through an armpit check too, to make sure they’re not carrying any intoxicating weapons!
Stop giving the rest of us nerds a bad name! I’ll even forgive the weird hats, bizarre hair colors and clashing accessories. But please, be considerate, and if you attend E3 next year, do yourself and others a favor: shave your legs, wash your hair, and for the love of Kratos, wear deodorant!