Mount Your Friends was a Steam gift from my cousin, who shares my weird sense of humor. I really had no idea what this game was about, so my first reaction was really a big “WTF am I looking at?“. When I finally sat to play it on my own I was actually surprised at how much it made me laugh. I mean, sides hurting tears rolling down my face, can’t breathe kind of laugh!
Soon enough, a three-person game took place with my good friend Payne, and the whole thing became even more hilarious. So I turned around and purchased it for another friend as a gift as well. And hilarity ensued some more, spreading like a silly virus, with all four of us together.
Mount Your Friends is a tower building game where you stack a bunch of speedo-wearing muscular guys with dangling, spinning dicks – you’ve read that right – first on a goat and then on top of each other, in order to make the tallest tower possible. I don’t know how else to explain it without sounding crazy, but that really is it.
It controls much like QWOP but using AWSD to move your guy’s legs and arms and the mouse to point in the direction you want to go. It’s weird, it’s awkward, it’s at times incredibly frustrating, but it’s downright hilarious to see the jerky confused motions of the characters while the strange physics take effect. You can also play it using a controller, which makes it slightly less awkward to control.
The game offers several single-player modes, some of them presented into a mini-game fashion. For the most part, it’s still vertical climbing as high as you can go, with or without a time limit, but a few others have different goals. Coin Collection has you climbing rocks across the screen in order to reach coins, which have dangling dicks. Gem Collection places you in a room with a few barriers, where you can stick to any surface and attempt to collect gems… which also feature dangling dicks. Long Distance Run has you walking, tripping and crawling to the right as far as you can within the time limit. Horizontal Climb places the goat near a cliff and you must basically build a bridge as long as you can.Personally, I like the keyboard controls since they make for plenty of hilarious situations, and Mount Your Friends has definitely been all about the laughs for me.
There are some co-op games you can play with a friend on the same computer, one using the keyboard, the other with a controller. Unfortunately, these are not available to be played online, where you are limited to basic climbing with a few timer, spawn and gravity options. Still, online is where it’s at!
It is absolutely hysterical to play this with a few friends, especially when you decide to make custom skins of everyone involved. Note that in order for all to see the custom skins and heads, all players must have them in the respective folders. The laughter is contagious and it makes it even more difficult to control the characters while you snicker, chortle and cackle while the group is laughing at you – or with you. I have been in tears so many times, laughing until my sides hurt, all from all the clumsy groping and rubbing that goes on in these games. If you were ever uncomfortable being close to people, this is going to be an awkward experience, but it will definitely help you come to terms with inappropriate touching of the virtual kind. Not to mention spinning schlongs. Not saying that I’m about to go out in public climbing on people’s heads while grabbing onto their genitals, but if (and that’s a big if) you get over the uncontrollable laughter and recurring gigglesnorts, and can eventually stop staring at the dangling gravity-defying penis (or fish, or pickle, or banana) on every little guy’s crotch, Mount Your Friends becomes a battle of skill and humiliation as you purposely and repeatedly smack and stomp your friends’ dicks, teabag them into submission in strange positions and grope your way to the top.
If you haven’t tried mounting your friends before, there’s never been a better time. There’s even a safe for work mode where all the guys wear suits and a spinning zipper tab. In the meantime, check out these non-safe-for-work videos below.
Special thanks to Sandra, Michael Payne at Payne Train Gaming, and TMK’s Luke for the fun!
